In the Danger Zone

It is officially summer, the weather has told me so. As I write this it is a sunny summer day, 105 degrees warm. I look for ways to cool down. I grab my purse and am overcome with joy when I find an unopened bottle of water. It’s room temperature, but as I take a big sip from it I feel as if I have stepped into Heaven.

We run our air conditioners in our cars and our homes. We fan ourselves with booklets at sporting events and with our hands at the gym. We wear hats to protect our faces and some of us use umbrellas to shelter us from the sun’s heat.

We take such good care of our bodies when it is hot.

But, what do we do with our overheated minds?

You know the feeling ~ Stressed, cluttered, overloaded. What do we do to cool our minds? Most of us do absolutely nothing. We are so busy taking care of people, things and more things that we do not take the time to simply cool down.

So we walk around in overdrive with our internal mind meter in the danger zone and do not even realize it. We rationalize it by reminding ourselves of all the things that we NEED to accomplish in the day and how other people NEED us so much. Yes, there are a lot of things to accomplish and other people do count on us, but all of us can use some “cool-down” techniques.

 

How To Handle Anger

What makes our minds busy? One of the culprits is anger. Are we angry with ourselves or are we blaming others for hurting us? Anger can be a response to an immediate action such as someone stealing something from us, such as a wallet. It can also be a delayed response to what we are have been thinking about, such as an argument from earlier in the day.

How can we calm down when anger appears? We do not want to push our anger aside and ignore it because that is not healthy. We simply want to work through it and figure out what it is that anger is trying to tell us. 

How to handle anger? Ask yourself:

-Who or what am I thinking about when I am angry?

-Am I blaming someone else for my anger?

-How am I affected by my anger?

-What can I proactively do to change things?

-Can I release this and accept the situation?

Nancy used the above technique for her anger. Her son, Todd, was very ungrateful. A single mother, Nancy worked two jobs to support the two of them and Todd still demanded the newest “toys” that all the teenagers had. If he did not get them immediately, he would yell and blame Nancy for getting divorced and putting them in that financial situation. He was disrespectful and lashed out with brutal words every change he got. They argued and argued.

Once Nancy faced her anger head-on, a change started to occur. Through her process she realized that she was angry with Todd and not herself and that she was holding him responsible for her anger. It hit her that her high blood pressure and overeating were reactions to her anger. She decided that she was going to get her life back on track by focusing on exercising good self-control not only with food and exercise, but also with overspending on Todd.

She sat down with Todd and showed him her budget and asked him to be a willing partner in their finances. Although Todd was still angry with the lack of money, at least Nancy was able to take control and put everything on the table. She was able to then start releasing her anger and knew that she was doing the best job she could. When pushed by Todd, she was able to remain calm instead of overreacting because of her newfound peaceful mind.

Is there anyone or anything that you are angry about?

 

What Would Your Life Look Like If You Worried Less?

We all worry. It can be healthy for us to worry about our finances, our health, our jobs, and our relationships. It can launch us into action like saving more, exercising, performing better and being more loving. But, when is worry unhealthy?

When worry consumes us into an excessive state of anxiety, it then threatens our wellbeing. We worry because we are afraid of losing something. Sometimes it goes back to our childhood or a time when we experienced great loss. Either way, it gets in the way of enjoying the present moment. Plus, it’s not fun always being in victim mode.

So, how do we tackle our worrying? Ask yourself ~

What am I really worried about?

What is the worst possible thing that can happen?

Am I willing to practice new thoughts?

Can I shift my perspective?

Can I enjoy and appreciate the present moment?

Sarah was always worried about money and was getting more and more frugal. She justified her worries by telling herself and others that the economy was so bad. But when she faced her worries head-on, she realized that she was raised in constant fear that they would be evicted. When she was a young girl, her dad was an alcoholic and would often come home drunk. He was in a vicious cycle of getting small jobs and losing jobs. She recalls memories of her mom driving around to the local bars every other Friday evening to retrieve his paycheck before he spent it all. They lived on the financial edge.

When she realized that she was living with her underlying childhood fear, Sarah was able to realistically look at her current day financial situation. She was a teacher who lived very comfortably and was set for retirement. While her childhood memories helped to shape her views towards money, they were standing in the way of enjoying all of her present day accomplishments.

When she wrote down all of the good things she had accomplished both professionally and financially, she was able to reframe her thoughts and experience gratitude for the first time. It didn’t happen overnight, but she was well on her way to freedom of chronic worry. She still finds herself reverting back to the scarcity mindset, but now is equipped with a positive mindset that could counteract her learned anxiety about money. She has shifted her perspective to one of abundance.

What would your life look like if you worried less?

 

Are You Overdoing and Underappreciating?

Improve Yourself. We hear the message everywhere. Eat better, exercise more, look younger, attract more, save more, learn more, achieve more, simplify, do it all and do it well and do all of these things while relaxing. We have so many hopes and dreams for our lives and we hear everyday the messages that we are not doing enough. Instead of feeling a sense of accomplishment, we can feel inadequacy for not checking EVERY item off our self-improvement list.

It seems like so many of us are in a rush. I went to the bookstore last night and I saw books on faster and more efficient cooking, multitasking to get more done, downscaling to have more time, operating on warp-speed for more free time, catching up on retirement savings and speed-reading through the classics. So much encouragement to do more and do it faster and I was only there for a half hour! No wonder we rush everywhere and feel like we are not accomplishing enough.

So how to conquer the overwhelm of overdoing? Instead of focusing on the “To-do” list, let’s focus on the “What I have accomplished list.” This simple process promotes gratitude because it allows us to slow down and appreciate all that we HAVE done, instead of focusing on what we haven’t done.

Danielle started this accomplishment list process and quickly realized that she WAS doing an incredible amount of things that helped herself and her family on a daily basis. She was providing transportation to and from school and other activities for her kids, grocery shopping and cooking healthy meals for her family, walking 30 minutes daily, helped her kids with their homework had quality time with her husband and paid the household bills. For the first time, Danielle was able to give herself permission to stop, take a breath and fully appreciate herself.

I encourage you to take a few minutes to list all of your accomplishments for the day and to experience a sense of deep appreciation of how much you get done in a day that you previously may have taken for granted.

The world is operating at a fast speed. This list process can offer a much-needed awareness to slow down and experience gratitude for yourself and your life in the midst of the pressure to match the pace of our surroundings. We CAN slow down to enjoy all that we have and all that we do.

Are you overdoing and under appreciating?

To Your Fulfillment,

Cara