To Work Or Not To Work

I recently had a group of women gather together in a room to honor working and stay-at-home moms and their contribution and their support that they so unselfishly gave to their children. At first, it was nice and easy as all of the women looked genuinely happy to be at what they called a “social outing.” It was to be a 3-hour get-together complete with organic teas, healthy snacks and some unhealthy but sinfully delectable desserts. These mothers looked relaxed and genuinely happy to be there. They smiled as they complemented each other on clothing, hair and purses.

It was a time when women could bond together in the spirit of mothers everywhere. Traditional working mothers (who work very hard for a paycheck) and stay-at-home mothers (who work very hard for no paycheck) could speak out honestly about what motherhood means to them. We started off discussing how important mothers are to their children and how lives are shaped by a mother’s love. There were stories of a mother and child’s bond, of scraped knees, of the first day of school, of how fast the children were growing up. I saw tears in the eyes of every single mother. It was tender and sweet.

Fifteen minutes into our roundtable discussion, a petite mom of twins spoke. She said with the utmost confidence, “Kids turn out best when moms are at home and not at work.”  Okay, I saw rage and intensity greater than a lion in prey in half of the women. I braced myself.

Attack in the Jungle

The stay-at-home moms agreed that they have sacrificed it all to be at home as they raised their children. No latch key kids for them. They had all day to keep a sparkling home, cook healthy and tasty meals and work out at the gym so that could look and feel their very best.

The traditional working moms were outraged. They were setting a good example for their children and showing that women could do it all. They were earning money and helping their family so that their kids would live a comfortable life. They were contributing to society and taking care of themselves AND their children.

The air was heavy with conflict and I stood up and said one simple thing. “All of our children are so very blessed to have mothers as caring as we all are.”

Golden silence.

And then all of a sudden the air got lighter as the women looked around and one by one started to agree with a nod, a smile, a “yes.”

The stay-at-home moms who sacrificed it all to be at home as they raised their children admitted that they waited on their kids hand and foot, chauffeured them to and from school. They helped out in the classroom, yes, but had no time for themselves. How could they? They were driving to after school activities and were so exhausted at the end of the day that they could barely make it through the drive-thru for dinner before homework, bath and bedtime stories. When their kids finally went to bed, they had to clean up and some had the luxury of a nice bath, their only solitude in the day. And as for alone time with their husbands? The moms were so tired that a night of bonding was often falling asleep 20 minutes into whatever what was on TIVO. 

The Behind-the-Scenes

The working mothers listened while the stay-at-home mothers honestly talked about their days and nights.

Now it was their turn.

Yes, it was true that they all brought money home and not only that, they brought pride and a good example for their children. They had adult-talk time and were making a contribution to society. They got to dress up, have power lunches and save for college. Yes, they had it ALL and were having a ball.

But wait, along came the behind-the-scenes.

Whenever their cell phone rang, they hoped it wasn’t the school nurse calling to report that their child was sick and had to picked up. They outwardly said that the other moms had nothing else to do but help out with the PTA when they really felt guilty that they could not afford the time. There were missed plays, missed after-school snacks, missed moments.

Their kids were asking why they could not have moms who stayed at home. And then they woke up one day and their kids were so grown up.

Most felt resentment towards their husbands for not helping out as much as they could. Some did not have husbands and had to work and felt resentment still. Mornings were rushed and nights were exhausting, a bath squeezed in behind a locked door for much needed alone time. And the alone time with their husbands? Most of the time was filled with short talks about what went on at work for both and maybe a little reading, a little TIVO, a little talking about the children before turning off the light for the night.

Beautiful Revelation

During this process, all the moms in the room looked within and around.

What came out of this meeting with mothers was a transformation so beautiful that it was evident that a miracle had taken place in that room.

The mothers realized that they had more in common than they thought. Whether they were stay-at-home moms or working moms, they all had a very special job of taking care of their children. And they were doing the BEST job that they knew how.

They all experienced a change in perspective as they realized that they were all women who were on the same side. They were on the team that wanted to win, the team that wanted their children to have the best that life had to offer.

They all had struggles, joys, setbacks, victories, resentment, tears and lots of love for their children. They all did not have enough time for themselves and their husbands. They all wanted more but did not know where to start.

They wanted to meet again. This group of women who were from two totally different experiences came together in mind and spirit to honor each other and themselves. They asked me if it was possible to have another one of these sessions, just them, the original group. 

I thought about it for a quick second and agreed. Since then the group has met twice. It has been a sacred time of pure honesty and honor. It is a time where the spirit of mothers overpower and conquer all differences and where they in the battle to empower their children in an uncertain world.

To Your Fulfillment,

Cara