Since there is a direct correlation between our happiness and stress with our health, it is important to strive for healthy relationships instead of toxic ones. A healthy relationship includes gratitude, happiness and closeness as serotonin flows freely through the brain. A toxic relationship raises our heart rate and our blood pressure while putting stress on the immune system. You know if you are in a toxic relationship. You are suffering, lonely and not appreciated. All of this manifests itself as disappointment, destructive emotions and most likely physical symptoms.

 I am not suggesting that you try to turn an emotionally or physically abusive relationship around. Simply ask yourself what it is about the relationship that brings you up and brings you down. From there you can make choices about what things you can accept and what is absolutely not negotiable. A healthy relationship evokes feelings of value, worth and intimacy. It does not represent a lack of stress. There are challenges in any relationship. After all, a relationship blends two different souls into a oneness of spirit. Open and honest communication opens the door to overcoming obstacles and is the key to a healthy relationship.

It is your absolute right to be appreciated and valued. By taking the time out to ask yourself these tough questions, you start to develop your sense of entitlement to a life of true happiness.

The first step is to know what you truly want in your relationship. Take an honest assessment of what you wish for and make a list of things that you are grateful for and another list of what can improve. You can be grateful for everything such as companionship, common interests, kindness, honesty and physical attraction to name just a few. The same goes for the list of what can improve. These can include anything from better communication; greater trust, more attention, more affection and the list can go on. Seeing what brings you gratitude illuminates the goodness. Realizing what can improve brings to the surface what it is that you want more of and leads to exploration of why it is not present. This is a challenging process but one that is Dr. Cara Alana important to a deeper, more intimate relationship.

Take a look at your gratitude list. These all bring joy to you. Really honor these. Let’s look at the list of things that you wish for in your relationship. Now that you know what you want more of, you can strive to attract these things into your life. Ask yourself what each item means to you and what it looks like to have that in your relationship. Also think about what could be standing in the way. For instance, if you wish for greater communication, could it be that you are both getting lost in the busyness of life and losing track of the connection between the two of you? Or could it be that one or both of you has issues surrounding intimacy and closeness? Whatever the reasons may be, you can learn a great deal about yourself by looking within your relationship. Committing these lists to paper is so powerful as you release them to being the transformation process. I encourage you to take some time and reflect on your gratitude and your improvement lists. This is so important for transforming your relationship into one that is closer aligned to your ideal one.